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Story 4 – Could I Be To Blame?

I’ve been following up with a guy on social media for months without him noticing me. It was on a Wednesday, 20th April 2017 when he buzzed me. I was so surprised and eager to reply, so we got to talk and know each other better. We hooked up, not once, not twice. I liked this guy a lot, maybe because I never get the kind of attention he gave me.

Story 4 - Could I Be To Blame?

We often met at his friend’s house and most times I just can’t hold back my admiration for him. Most times I went home dripping in my pants, I’m not a fan of touching myself so I just sleep it off and wait to see him again. On the 6th of July 2017. He invited me over to his house. I got funny advice from my friend to learn to be seductive with my dressings, so I went with a short gown. I got to his apartment, he offered me a soft drink and meat pie. Then he sat close to me, touched my thigh, I turned and looked at him, he smiled at me and drew close to kiss me. It was deep and sensitive. I wanted more of that and as he pleased my envy, he became more touchy, and gave me a look ‘if it was cool with me’.

I wanted more added to his touch. I left that day fulfilled, I had gotten what I wanted to. It always played back, he was so good. I turned it to an almost everyday thing. I meet him every time I had a chance to. I don’t know who thinks sex keeps a man, but it was what I thought, so I saw someone I like, I went for it. A couple of months went and I’d found out I’ve missed my period, I didn’t want to tell him so I kept it for a little longer.

Three months went, I saw signs of pregnancy, it then dawned on me that I was pregnant. I had to tell him. I met him at the mall, even in this situation I was dripping once again in my panties. I told him after we talked about his business trips and all that. He looked me straight in the eyes and said: “Rose, I’m not ready for a child yet”. I know he’s not ready but what would do you have me do, I am four months gone. I couldn’t yell but I need us to talk. I’m just a student, soon enough my parents will find out. I expected more from him, but he said he’d see me the next day, and that was how we ended the conversation.

Immediately he left, I called my friend, she agreed to meet up so I waited. It wasn’t long when Jessica got to the mall, I was in tears, she was someone I told everything. I wanted to get the burden of having a child. I knew someone who’d do it cheaply, so I had Jessica join me at the clinic. The doctor there told me it was difficult for a four-month-old, he added: “ If you want me to continue it will hurt a lot”.

I signed up for an abortion for the first time in my life, Jessica was there with the comforting words so I was okay to do this. It wasn’t long, we were done. I was hurting a lot more than he explained it would. The pains were not just from the termination, my heart spoke in volumes. My body couldn’t carry a much greater burden. Nonetheless, I had Jessica see me home and tell my mum that I was suffering from menstrual cramps. I know you wonder how she believed. She trusts me a lot to not let her down. But I did the opposite.

He called, the next day, I told him what I had done already, he was very angry. He went on to say he wanted to let his family know first and come back to meet mine, I screwed it all up. I should have just waited, but I didn’t, I moved too fast. I was foolish enough to continue seeing him, after all, that happened, this was a fresh year so I was thinking he’d ask me to be his girlfriend because we got a lot serious. One day, I visited unannounced, I don’t usually do this but I did because I thought we are in a relationship already. I knocked and waited for his response but he didn’t respond so I knocked a little harder before I heard keys jiggle from the other end, he opened the door and I noticed something.

He was not happy to see me, he unlocked the door and I came in, I could hear a lady’s voice coming from his sitting room, could be his sister so I calmed myself. This lady sat on the other couch chewing gum, in my favorite polo of him. I said hi and sat down. He came in to introduce me as his friend to his girlfriend. I was dumbfounded, speechless. It was hard for me, it felt like I’ve wasted my life with him, only to find out he loves someone that is not me, you are allowed to feel my pain and anger. I left grieving, this was a lot more to bare, here I was thinking he was mine, with all the things we’ve done and gone through. I just vowed not to ever cross path with him again. He called a couple of times to apologize, he kept saying he wanted to tell me about her and all that, but I was thought she was better at it than me, that was why he didn’t choose me. Love is the true key to anyone. With all that had happened, I moved on this time trying to find a partner.

I took ill on the 30th of January, 2020. I had pneumonia, but before that, I went for check-up and was advised by my doctor to go through a series of tests to know about my blood type. I came back to him with all results and the first question he asked me was if I’ve heard of the rhesus factor, it was something new to me. He went on to explain the Rhesus factor is an inherited protein found on the surface of red blood cells. If your blood has the protein, you’re Rh-positive. If your blood lacks the protein, you’re Rh-negative. Now he said I’m O negative and if at any point I get pregnant and give birth I’d have to take an injection called Anti-D administration to aid me to take in for the next child.

This was too much for me to take in as he went on to explain if the baby turns negative then there is a chance but if the baby is positive it is advised to use the injections. I left his office with hate in my heart because I remembered my actions a few years back. I took twins out, who was I going to tell, I needed to talk to someone, I called him and told him everything, he was only apologetic, it was his fault. I had just ruined my future by my own hands, who do I start that family I’ve always dreamed about?

He called once in a while to check on me. How do you do that when you clearly choose someone over me and still put me in a big mess. I stopped replying his messages, I was done with everything I had for him, I’ll just pick myself up and look forward, he was never for me, I just let myself ruin me and I have me to be blamed.

Lesson Learned

This is a lesson I learned the hard way that I am to be blamed for the decisions I make. And to be responsible for my actions. As young adults, we should also know everything concerning our health including blood type. Don’t make drastic decisions that will hurt others.

About the Writer:

Onyekaba Chidimma Amarachi is a young Igbo girl, residing in Abia state, Nigeria. Also a student of Abia state university from the discipline of History and International Relations. She enjoys writing, going out, and making new friends.

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